the hiding


Many of us live two lives.  The life we live in the world and the hidden life of our purpose, desire and longing. 

Often, we can easily identify what we don’t want but we freeze from what we do want. 

We duck into shame when we don’t have a language to support our intimate needs and desires.

A lot of us have been treated unfairly, we have been hurt, neglected or even abused. 

It easy to understand why we learned to shut down, hide behind perfectionism or stay stuck. 

Many of us sit on the sidelines waiting for life to happen to us.

We hide to diffuse the triggers, protect ourselves from humiliation or shame, and shut down to cope.

Others chase outward validation while ignoring intimate connection. 

We secretly feel like a fraud or fear we will be being found out.  So, we keep running, hiding and hurting ourselves and others. 

All of this and more creates what I call the Tangled Self.

The Tangled Self is the part of us that is frightened.  It is the part of us that avoids showing up, so it hides from life.  

It is the part of us that fears making the wrong decision, struggles to access clarity of desires, wants and needs.

It is the part of us that doesn’t know how to thrive.  It grabs for certainty in unhealthy ways. 

Our Tangled Self is wired for survival, not thriving.

We can spend decades living in our Tangled Self without a flick of consciousness. 

We don’t need to attack or get rid of our Tangled Self, but we want to learn how to work with it resourcefully. 

As long as our Tangled Self is in charge, we continue to hide. 

As we hide, we have no freedom to be, no freedom to belong and no freedom to thrive. 

As we hide, we hurt:

As we hide in our NO’s, we hide from our YES’S.

As we hid in under-earning, we hide from transforming opportunities.

As we hide in debt, we hide from bold ambition.

As we hide in anorexic living, we hide from passionate desires.

As we hide in vagueness, we hide from purposeful growth.

As we hide in ambivalence, we hide from commitment.

As we hide in the victim, we hide from reflection, responsibility and learning.

As we hide in clutter, we hide from vibrant intimacy.

As we hide in invisibility, we hide from aliveness and wholeness.


the language of hiding

tangled knots:                                 

thorns of the soul hijacking our vibrant beauty     


dark oceans which buries our soul’s clarity


maps of overwhelm which can awaken phenomenal presence  


walls blocking our unique purposeful life from blooming

survival states:                                

poverty islands which drain all valuable resources


a craft immense in passion, a pulse to find poetry

emotional spells:                           

an invitation to rupture unhelpful barriers 

tangled parts:                                 

abandoned parts of us deserving our undivided attention

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