Are You Hiding Your Life in Disorganization?
When I was five, I turned to hiding in closets. I duct taped myself inside of my closet regularly. I remember the stink of my ballet shoes and the beheaded dolls glaring at me with empty eyes.
It was a bit haunting, but closets became “my thing”. I felt safe and hidden from the world, but this dark hiding space began to source unresourceful coping strategies such as secret keeping, twinkie binges, and self-harm.
Our childhood hiding places can become internalized adult disorganized organizing structures. The most stinky, disorganized closets we can hide inside are the closets of ambivalence, abandonment, and a punitive victim.
We can bounce between these closets, but we primarily hide inside one of them. These closets make up an internal organizing map. We can spend decades shuffling inside their emotional intimacies hanging up smallness, rigidity, overwhelm, and fear.
These disorganized structures drive emotions, thoughts and behavioral outcomes. We want to better understand our unique hiding closet’s mechanics. As we understand our nuanced organizing wiring, we strengthen our organizing awareness.
As we learn to untangle a disorganized part, we learn to pull ourselves from one of these closets into a new organizing home. An organizing home which supports connection, awareness and integration.
We hideout in closets because we fear being seen. Often, we are not clear with what has us running, hiding and avoiding in the first place, however, confronting uncharted territory feels scary and threatening.
So, we close our eyes, clog our ears and shut down our hearts. We sit inside our closets wondering what is wrong. Maybe if we fix this part or that, our life can move purposefully. We manage, we manipulate, we justify, we strategize, we disappoint, we hide, and we survive. Barely.
We don’t transform our life from an internal disorganized closet. These organizing structures block out any creative organizing agency needed to build a purposeful life. We need skills to identify the handle of our hiding closet doors, learn to unlock their emotional spells and walk into to an entirely new organizing home.
For those of us who suffer from tangled shyness, disorganization or emotional distress our souls yearn for a new language. Our souls ache for a language which can frame our suffering states, collect their intelligences to make better sense of our inner world.
A language which provides new eyes to see the vibrant ways to illuminate a meaningful path forward. As we collect this language, speak it into our being, we integrate an organizing capacity to thrive.
When we don’t have this language, we can feel orphaned from life. We can feel like we are wandering lost at sea, thrown into life without a compass, or silently aching in dark closets.
We all yearn for a safe place to organize visibility, restore trustful living and embody purposeful movement. When we are without our intimate organizing language, we struggle to become seen and embrace our unique purposeful belonging.
We were all born with a healthy emotional system, which was at one time was responsive to connection, touch and visibility.
As we grow older, we begin chopping ourselves from this state of consciousness. We quickly lose touch with our intimate language of visibility and freedom. As we isolate ourselves, we can become lost in our empty, disorganized homes, terrified to explore any rooms or floors, and stuck waiting to be rescued.
The visibility and freedom we once deeply understood suddenly becomes a threat to our sense of safety. If we speak up, we fear being kicked out, abandoned. If we ask for our needs, we feel we will be hurt.
If we take a risk, we think we will be humiliated. We quickly learn to abandon our language, our voices, our needs and our life in efforts to secure safety. We become loyal to these survival constructs, tangled knots, versus learning to thrive inside our innate wholeness.
Being good or safe suddenly replaces being vibrantly visible and dynamically alive!
Hiding places can feel safe, but are they safe? They feel safe because they are familiar. As much as we may hate living in vagueness, keeping secrets or shutting parts off, we are familiar with this way of organizing. The brain loves the familiar, even if it is not safe.
When a part of us is keeping secrets or hiding from realty, we deplete valuable resources needed to build a thriving, integrated and purposeful life.
If you crave a new organizing language to emerge from hiding as well as life skills to build a capacity to thrive, CLICK HERE
Angela McKinney is a life coach whose teachings span a global client base and are regularly featured in leading media outlets. Untangle & Thrive mission is to help millions of people come out of the shadows of hiding and gather skills to organize a thriving life. Through in-person coaching, online classes and newsletters, she gives clients the skills they need to reorganize the whispers of their tangled parts to access vibrancy, visibility and aliveness within their lives and careers. Join the Untangle & Thrive community to receive the first section of my new book here!